LFC – Asschoes
The music starts on this LP and we are instantly thrown head long into a sci-fi western/frontier. The mind is pursed with images of a bearded scientist stranded in an Antarctic research station. The credits progress, ‘Deodorant Spray Song’, introduction of the cast, and we are given the first clues as to what kind of movie we are about to watch. Supporting introductions are over, ‘Atmosiren’, bleeds in and we see the director’s name and the title of the film obscuring the helicopter’s landing. Instead of a reprise or an explanation to these unusual scenes we find ourselves in ‘Insomnia Land’ a soundscape more disturbing than the previous two pieces especially when that something starts to run around in the darkened room. You’ll be glad the lights are turned off because whatever is in that room has to be as ugly and mean as a Rottweiler on methamphetamines. Did you see it? It ran by you, how could you of missed it? Let’s get the fuck out of here.
Then we are greeted with ‘Squeezemoon’. One step ahead of you Chief, the skidoo is running outside. Oh shit Chief it’s following us. Faster, if we don’t get out of here to warn the others the whole world is doomed. I think we can out run it Chester. Look Chief it’s coming up on our right flank. Watch out Chester, we nearly crashed. Shit chief this thing is relentless. Thank fuck for that Chester we finally made it back to base, and we seem to have lost that... whatever the fuck it was.
‘Ranho Amarello’, lets us now that Chester and the Chief didn’t escape the monster and that they don’t need to worry about the rest of the crew because they’ve all mysteriously disappeared. They can here the monster outside stalking the base. ‘Alien Refrigerator’ starts and Chester and the Chief notice strange noises coming from the air vents. What the fuck is it chief? Damned if I know Chester. Well let’s find out: pass me that shotgun Chester? Just as the Chief is about to fire someone falls from the ceiling. It’s the Chief’s brother John.
‘Trim Trum’ starts and John tells the Chief and Chester what happened to the rest of the crew. How they walked out into the Arctic wilderness one by one seemingly hypnotised, carrying no supplies. John doesn’t know anything about the monster – so Chester and The Chief fills him in. ‘Space Burger Fog Blues’ starts to play as Chester pours the two brother a glass of whiskey. What we gonna do the radio’s are still out from yesterday’s storm? I don’t know. Well all I know is if that monster wants to make a meal out of me I’m gonna give that motherfucker some serious indigestion. Right on. Hey chief what explosives we got round here?
‘Caverna’. The three men are watching out of the window and see the monster head into the building where the snowploughs are kept. Chester puts the dynamite into a bag, and the three men look at each as exhaustion and fear crucifies their faces. The chief leads them to the garage, they enter and we can hear the monster scurrying around. Light it Chester. Chester lights the fuse. The monster hears the men and you can hear his movements become more aggressive. But before we can see what happens the screen cuts to black, and the end credits role to the sound of ‘Arctic Frequency’.
So let me conclude, what LFC gives us here is a very fine film score to a film that doesn’t exist (well not yet). Though we have heard similar soundscapes like this in many fine eighties sci-fi films let that not distract you from it. If you like this kind of film score, put the headphones on and close your eyes – I promise it won’t disappoint.
- The Importance Of Birds
Further discussion of this artist and album can be found here: